Original Cesar

I Got Here First, I Set The Rules.

> I present you with another article to start an internal dialogue, and if we are lucky it can serve to start an external and cordial dialogue.

> I see a constant struggle to defend the land that was conquered years ago. We here talk of the illegal immigrants. They say illegal because they have not cleared the red tape processes imposed by those who got here first, or should I say, who got here before. Who is imposing these manipulation rules? By taking a quick glance you can se that the people that are more obsessed on imposing, are those that have been on these lands for very few generations.

> I will give these concepts a twist. At some moment in time, these people or their not so far away families were illegal immigrants. That’s right, the only and true Americans are those known to us as the Native American Indians. Everybody that arrived afterwards, were a result of an illegal mass invasion that set aside the original native. This concept would or should take you to think that the great majority of the population has a certain level of understanding and acceptance. But this is not happening because they are using the “I got here before you following a series of red tape processes that were in some cases slow and meaningless. So “you” (the person in process or not) I ask you to do the same to give me my satisfaction or to help me avoid my frustration if I see you do it easier.”

> I hope to have started your internal dialogue and you are surely thinking, “Where is the justice?” The word “justice” is a word that can not be explained in one paragraph. Let’s leave this word for another article (it will be your homework, for a long time I’m sure.).

> I will give you another set of eyes to see the dilemma. Let’s assume that there are twenty two million undocumented immigrants. And that almost all of them are hard working and good intended people (with human defects and qualities just like you and me). It would be absurd to think you can deport all of these people to all the origin countries involved (not all are Mexican; there are also Chinese, German, Egyptians, Africans, Spaniards, etc.). They cannot be all deported, and not because of the great cost of sending them home. They cannot be sent back because they represent a benefit within the society where they live. They are participant in the economy, they consume products and they help to complete those intermediate basic activities for the benefit of many others. For this reason if they would adopt to remove these people, that would create a difficult hole.

> Another benefit that these people are providing is the capacity to grow the population. In order for the economy to grow, it is needed to have a growing population (at least that is how the current economy is designed in the US). The population that has already been there for at least two generations already stopped growing. Look at the European countries where population growth is negative. The United States has fallen into the same pattern only lagging a few years behind.

> In summary, the solution is NOT the massive deportation, nor putting people in jail or putting visual or non visual labels. The solution is to have efficient governmental processes for the final and total integration of these people (they are already integrated physically and with activities in the society, now they only need the paperwork). In short, the government has a “backlog” that needs attending (backlog are lagging and pending orders that need to get supplied or solved immediately). Try to adopt the following mentality “First of all we are humans living and coexisting on this planet, all the rest should be talked without fear”.

And who are you to judge others?

> We have heard this many times in the walk of our personal growth. This phrase has much more weight than what you would think. You are probably thinking that this applies to those events you see on TV or with the interesting things you see with your neighbors.  Have you ever thought that this applies to every instant of your life, in every situation that you live and in every thought? Are you getting confused? I hope so. Your confusion is a state of mind that is preparing your for new knowledge.

> In every situation you are judging. When you interact with family members you are judging what is good and bad. When you go to work or school, you are judging how is good or bad. When you see someone in church that is badly dressed you start to judge that the person could be just a slob, a lazy person, a thoughtless person, a person that lacks respect and much more.

> How many times have we been in a situation where you judge someone that you just met and afterwards you find out that the person was totally different to your first impression? This should give you a clue that you are really not good at judging people. And if you are not good at judging people, why do you work hard to judge people and with that decide on important decisions on your life?

> What makes you special or better to judge others? Do you really have your scales of justice well calibrated to have the degree of master judge?

We dedicate so much time to mental and verbal judging and we dedicate so very little time to judging ourselves. To judge ourselves is not so that you can set a verdict of “hell” or “heaven” on yourself. Listen carefully; I want you to be the judge of your own life. For the moment forget about the “hell” and “heaven” verdict. The act of judging ourselves is so that we can calibrate our own evolutionary processes and to be masters of our life. It’s a process of learn and improve.

> Everyday we must seek to be better, to be better in the game of our personal judgment calibration. And as time should go by, we will reduce even more our habit of judging others.  Are you seeing what I’m asking for? I’m asking you to be less prejudice.

> Another thing to keep in mind is that our judgments are calibrated according to our own personal values (your life experience, your education, your programming, and your evolutionary stage). So, every human has a difference set of values. Our judgments cannot be the same; they could be similar on some occasions. Remember that because we do not have the same values, this should tell you that YOU do not have the absolute truth. You are likely to be wrong.

> In conclusion, every time you think you are judging. Try to be more sensible in your thoughts. Do not assign yourself the task of judging others, this task is not for you if you have only been on this earth for few years of existence.

> One final comment, we also need to learn to forgive ourselves. If you are a tough judge on yourselves, you have to learn to forgive yourselves with the same or more desire.

To Know You Is To Know Me

> How many times have we analyzed people like us or even different to ourselves? We do it very frequently without knowing it. Every time we see the news on some type of negative incident, it takes us less than five seconds to start our process of understanding the players of the mentioned event. This event could be from a person climbing a building in a super heroes costume to a multiple killing in some remote town.

> Why do we analyze other people? Well, according to our mental programming, we do it to find options for making those people change. We are in the constant search on how to perfection our neighbor’s life. This is absurd, especially when the person that needs perfection (evolution) is "me". This doesn’t mean we should stop analyzing other people. Quite the contrary, this helps us to have an internal dialogue, so that we have a point of contrast to those things we cannot see ourselves.

> I will give you a simple example. Imagine that you are in a reunion with lots of people. All of a sudden a person with a very bad odor passes near you and you become aware of this. You are immediately reminded internally that odor is important in social events and you start to smell yourself. You try to smell your armpit’s odor and your odor that you create when you talk of air that comes from your interior (Did you know that you exhale an odor when you talk?). You’re not conscious of your odor immediately because you need to create the contrast. In the case of bad breath, people create the contrast by blowing in the palm of their hand in front of their nose. So, how do you create the contrast to those important aspects related to your evolution? This will be your homework.

> I’ve been in support groups for couples where the dynamics are to get your spouse to change. To understand your spouse is not so that you can have this person change to your wish, but to create the contrast of who we are. With this knowledge we are in the possibility to continue with our evolution.

> I want to make this very clear as I’m almost sure you agree but you have not fully seen the great meaning of this. You are currently in an evolution process for longer than you can imagine. Your ideal evolutionary state is that of total tolerance, total forgiveness, total joy, total gratefulness, total service, total pleasure, total love, etc. You could even say that it’s a state of being a Saint. And I want to make it really clear, that is correct. You are already thinking this is extremely difficult to accomplish (I agree).

> I’m going to give you an example of someone close to you that has been able to touch the tip of the iceberg. I’ve seen elderly people with their grandchildren acting in similar ways a Saint would. Can you imagine this attitude, this way of treating your pears, your neighbors, even your enemy? How far are you to achieving this? The road is long and steep. And not because it is long and steep you are thinking of giving up. Your work here is to evolve.

> Final message, may your walk and thoughts take you to your maximum evolutionary stage. And being so, I’m sure there is still more beyond that. It could be said that the path to evolution is infinite. It like the waiting lines you might have experienced at a Disney park, just when you think you are about to arrive to destination, you see that the line just around that corner is longer than you had thought, and even so, you stay in line and you move forward with pleasure (especially when you get to the air conditioned zone in times of hot weather).

The Perfect Man

> My friends the great secret comes to light. It’s funny that the answer was always there. We were just incapable of describing what we saw and it was creating confusion. What do women want? I will write about men in another article.

> The answer is quite simple and useful for your evolutionary growth.

> The answer is “women want it all”. Was this too obvious or too absurd? Read below for better understanding.

> The interesting thing to notice is that when reviewing the list of what women want I see things that are contradictory. This can be seen by looking at what women want in men. Women desire a man that is faithful and trustworthy that can give her security.

Let’s assume that a woman already has her perfect man. A hard working man, faithful, honest, predictable (being as he is would make this man predictable), with good habits, eyes for only ONE woman, sweet, sensible, a family man, and other similar things more. One would think that a woman with a man like that would stop wishing for other things. > This is where I will open your eyes to new knowledge. A woman like that would still have greater desires. What more could she ask for? Well, after several years with a man like that, a woman starts to ask for a change and adventure. The woman would wish for her man to be more passionate (this might not be an ability for a man that has eyes for only ONE woman). She would wish to travel and adventures (This might not be part of the predictable man’s way).  Are you seeing that a woman under this situation is asking for it all?

> For how incredible it might sound, all this has an explanation. Let’s go back to our primitive days. The young woman had to struggle to conquer the alpha male. She used her physics and charms. This competition between women had the purpose of conquering the maximum male available, the male that was able to guarantee security and her basic needs, and much more. It was a competition to have it all.

Let me tell you that most of these competitions were done in a discrete and unnoticed manner. The competition between men is visible and easy to identify.

> After conquering her alpha male and several years, this woman would start to loose her charms and her alpha male would start to have eyes for other younger women (this is to preserve the species and he would do this unconsciously, also done today). The woman in this situation would start to look for a young potential alpha male or a lesser male to help her recover her security and guarantee her basic needs.

> As you can see with the above example, women do want it all. This desire is part of a human programming that we all have.

> If this article was offensive to you, I ask for your forgiveness. But I also ask you to give yourself some time to see the dynamics in your environment and you will see some very clear cases of what was mentioned above.

In conclusion, the above words are not to just make evident this human aspect. This article has the intention that you know your primitive human essence and programming. By recognizing this you will be able to continue in your evolutionary path that goes beyond your primitive self.

And is your conversation interesting?

> I have been in marriage counseling groups and the other day a person surprised me with her response to a concept I gave to the group. My radical new concept at that moment was that both participants in a couple have the obligation to bring home interesting conversations. In the world that we live where men usually leave home to go to work while women stay home doing choirs and other routine things, it is pretty easy for men to bring home an interesting conversation of something new. I call this the “sailor” effect. This is where men go to new and different worlds and come back with the obligation and joy of telling stories of the journey they just lived. The women that are not able to go out I’m sure they appreciate to hear these stories. The new concept I brought to the table to meditate was that men are to bring good conversations home and that women are also expected to bring good conversations on what she experienced through out the day.

> The group had mixed emotions especially with those women that have very clear routines and said it was impossible to create an interesting conversation on their behalf. On trying to establish a solid view on this concept I tried to rephrase it. If you (domestic routine woman) are not able to create a good conversation on your personal experience, joys, emotions, etc., than you run the risk of having your sailor find an interesting conversation with friends (men and women).

> Obviously the woman was in crisis when see realized that it was impossible to do. In trying to help her, I told her that she can create those experiences from what she does at home. This can be done by reading a book, creating art, changing your home atmosphere energy, by analyzing world events that are posted in the news on radio, television, internet, etc. You can also talk about your experiences of the few times you do leave home, also with the exterior contact you get from talking over the phone with a friend of her small world (small world compared to the universe). An interesting conversation doesn’t necessarily have to come from a life experience Hollywood style. An interesting conversation can come from a piece of paper folded in 7 halves with a personal message on each fold.

> In summary, just as men bring conversation to the table every day, women also have the obligation to participate, by participative listening as in also by creating and providing an interesting conversation of those things that became experience of something. One sound advice, give your personal experience a happy twist. That way, you both will enjoy and will be anxious for the next time these conversations are due because of the habit you have created.

> I know this is not easy especially if you lost the habit of doing it. This is tough but not impossible. I know you are able to do it, because in your younger years you did it when you were in the path of finding your life long partner.

How to celebrate the death of a bad man?

> We still haven’t been able to create the maximum humanity statement from all nations on Earth. Can you imagine what it would be? Due to the great diversity of cultures and evolutionary stages on this planet, you could try to select the statement from your personal experiences. Let me help you with one that will be difficult to improve. The most important value for humanity is life.

> With this in mind, it will be easy to conclude that the death penalty is unacceptable for humanity. I’m sure you are already thinking on a few examples where you think that the death penalty is justified. If you permit me to read your mind, you are thinking “Life is the most valuable thing,,,,,, but it doesn’t apply to John Doe”.

> So, are you telling me that the value of life is conditioned to something? And you are the person that can set the value conditions of when and what it is worth? You being in your primitive stage and have not reached your full potential as an illuminated human being?

> You are probably thinking at this moment that famous example of “What would you think if it was your relative that died due to this bad person?” And I tell you today that with my firm conviction I am still against the death penalty. I can also say to you that if I were in an emotional storm that creates a lack of clarity in my mind, I will very probably ask for the death penalty to be applied. So, under these conditions, I would give thanks to those that kept me away from taking that decision against the maximum humanity statement.

> A few years ago there was a persona I hated very much. It was a president from the late 70’s. I had planned to celebrate his death when that time would come. It’s incredible how destiny takes us through journeys for our everlasting learning experiences. My grandfather died just a few days before this ex-president. I was morning my grandfather at the time. I remembered my promise to celebrate that time. Under these circumstances I knew that it was not the correct thing to do.

> While I was in meditation and in prayer I realized I was a terrible thing to have thought of even of a man that I have hated so much. At that moment I was aware that a death should never be celebrated, and if I were to even think of it I’m sure that destiny would give me another event in order to give me that teaching that my internal homer needed.

> My friend, my conclusion is that it is not possible to celebrate the death of a bad man (a bad man before your eyes). The fact that life is the most precious thing that exists on Earth, we must appreciate all human lives without taking into account neither their trajectory nor what we are able to perceive with their acts. I invite you when you are before a death of a person, be it anybody, ask that this person can be illuminated in his or her evolutionary path.

Do you regret something you did or did not do?

> Our lives are full of decision taking moments. Tell me, did you already learn to take good decisions?

> Some people are fortunate to have their parents transmit to them this ability in their infancy. These are the people we see that have everything in life. I’m talking about the feelings and attitude in life, not just money wise. Some other people not that lucky go through life learning. These people are aware of the decisions that were taken and learned from them. These people have good memory and a great sense of self criticism in order to improve constantly. Finally we have the unfortunate ones that don’t have a clue that their decisions are forging their destinies (these are people who resist learning from experience). We can hear these people frequently say “Why does this happen to me?

> Sadly, a great part of our society falls into the third category. And we fall intro frustration when we want to just yell at them and say “WAKE UP! Your decisions today will affect your future.”

> For example, you have a teenager that you know is taking a bad decision and that will affect the rest of her life. You already passed through the shouting phase, so you are aware that shouting is not the answer. My friend, instead of confrontation you have to teach them to take good decisions. For your well being, it’s never too late. But it can be too late for your teenager given that the decision taken could already have marked a path to follow in the timeline of history.

> I’ll give you an example of a doomed teenager. I knew a case of a young man that was an alcoholic and drug addict. His addition was so strong that his parents tried everything and knew he was destined to die. Finally, this young man died due to this situation. This is an extreme case and very evident where the wrong decisions were taken.

> Now, let me present you a more common case, a case in our everyday lives. I wish to present a case with multiple bad decisions. And the decisions were taken without though of the future, only the short term benefits. We have all been there and in some cases we have overcome the challenge and in other cases we have fallen into the short term benefits. First mayor decision was to not continue an undergraduate. Second decision was to get married out of passion. The famous phrase was applied “I will make him change, and afterwards, in time, I will love him”. This marriage ended in divorce and a baby. Third important decision was to get married for a second time again without love in the relationship. This marriage up to this day is struggling to keep afloat. This relationship points in high probability to a divorce scenario. This story is still being unfolded.

> It’s obvious that this person needs help. You are thinking “You need to SHOUT to this person that she needs to wake up and stop taking bad decisions”. I can tell you my friend that several persons very close to her have yelled with no positive results. It would seem to be a train in movement with the tracks already laid before it and its destiny defined. This is what is called Karma. This is something this person needs to overcome in this or in many lives to come.

> My conclusion, learn to take good decisions and to transmit this ability to the people you love, and what better than to teach by setting an example to all. Now, on the other hand, if you already have a long list of bad decisions, learn to accept them and the consequences. Don’t regret your past decisions; keep in mind that they were taken for a reason at that time. And from now on, take good decision.

Inherit sins. Absurd?

> Sometime ago in my childhood I heard that men and women from many centuries or millenniums had the belief that sins were inherited. At that moment I thought it was an absurd concept. How could you inherit the sins of your father o grandparents? It’s as if I could imagine that someone was keeping a record of the bad things done by my forefathers and at some point I would have to pay the bill or pass it on to my kids. It didn’t have meaning at that time.

> I’m sure you are asking yourself “and NOW it has meaning?” My friends, the answer is YES. And I will explain this concept and you will become aware that you have inherited some of your parent’s sins.

> First we must understand the word “sin”. Don’t see it as an act of evilness or a willing act of the devil. We must mentally be aware that the word “sin” really means “a bad habit that will not permit us to evolve”.

> I will give you a simple example so that you can see what it means to “inherit a sin”. At my parents house we usually eat foods with high levels of fats and proteins. When I married I also took this habit with me and I have inherited this food predilection unto my son. You are probably thinking that there is no sin in they way we eat. I tell you it is there. Let’s say that sickness caused by our habits could be classified as sins (a bad habit that will not permit us to advance in our evolution). So if my parents had a diet with a propensity to colon cancer, and my eating habits also enhanced the probability to get a colon cancer, then we can say that we are following the pattern to inherit this sin.

And you’re probably saying that this colon cancer is a hereditary through our DNA. We definitely have some inclination factors that we inherit, but we also have some that are inherit more through our “habits” than what is coded in our DNA.

> I will give you another example of the meaning of “sin” (a bad habit that will not permit us to advance in our evolution). Imagine a family where the father normally abuses and hits his wife. The son being a witness will apply the same technique when married. This is not a sure prediction, but there is a high probability that it will happen in greater or less effect.

> As we are able to inherit sins, we can also apply this concept in the opposite direction when we think about inheriting good deeds. A hard working father will be setting an example so that his son will be able to inherit this quality. In another example, we can see the mother how takes care of her physical aspect and it constantly in a cheerful mode, sure enough she is setting the foundation for her daughter to inherit that habit.

> In conclusion, sins can be inherited. Now, our job in this world is to become aware of these actions that do not permit us to evolution and to break the pattern that we have inherited over time.

The Value of a Relationship

> How much is a relation worth? And I’m not talking about a coin value. Does a relation have a value depending on what each member can give? Do people really se the value in relationships or are they navigating without a destination? Isn’t it funny that in a marriage relationship you have to sign a contract so that you can see the value to that relation? Can I guess that the value of a weak relationship is determined by the cost of separation?

> Can you imagine a marriage without a contract? You’re already thinking “No contract! At the first fight my partner will leave me and I will be alone!” It’s probable that this will happen, especially if in the relation the other part did not see the value to continue. Your next thought would be “that is why we need a contract, in order to force the other part to not leave at free will”. Well, in my humble opinion, this form of thought is wrong.

> And before you get mad, let me explain. In any relation the foundation should be “win-win” (evolutionary growth – evolutionary growth). In order to get to this concept, you must demonstrate that you are giving a value to the relationship. A value that not only satisfies the moment, but a value that grows through time. And hopefully your partner will also think in this way if your partner was on the same frequency when you signed your partnership. I’m not talking about the written contract, I’m talking about that contract that you spoke with words or thoughts (should we say, written in heaven?)

> Now let’s imagine that marriage had an expiration date. That every 10 years each party would be asked “do you wish to continue o terminate your relationship?” Many would be against this concept. And they would be against because they already know what the answer would be, because if they don’t see a value to continue the next step would be separation.

> Therefore, what I want you, the reader to understand is that you must increase your value in your relationships with the people you wish to interact. I have given you an example of a marriage relationship. This also applies to friendship, business relation, relation within a society, etc.

> In one occasion, a married couple friends of my married friends decided that they would like to leave the group. They felt that at that time the value of staying was not there. Being very good friends, they left still being friends. Some people in the group felt they were betrayed and offended. These people acted in a primitive way and said “we should not let them come back”. I thought “That’s nonsense. Why should we punish our friends for not seeing the value of staying?” I had to act and tell them that they are our friends and that our loving friendship would be intact no matter if they were not there or how many visits to our houses. The only thing left for us to do was to say good bye to our friends and to extend an invitation if some day they were to return by telling them “the doors would be open, the lights would be lit and the hugs would be just as warm if some day they would decide to come back.”

> This also is true for our adult sons and daughters that live away from home. Our children visit us depending on the value that we can offer: The value of being part of a family. The value of memories and laughter. The value of true love. The value of sharing this space on this small planet. The value of having achieved our goals and sharing this with people we respect and cherish.

> Concluding, let’s create a space and atmosphere with true value in order to “be” and grow in this brief moment of our existence and participation.

How much are your values worth?

> Everybody knows what values are. Well, that’s what we think. Do we really know what values are and how they are applied in our lives? I have participated in activities where people express their value scale and afterwards during their day to day activities they express in their acts a different value scale. Why do we have this difference? The difference is caused by various reasons. One of them is that values are not a constant. Values change through time and will acquire a different weight. Values can change from one minute to another and then return to its original scale weight. Thus values can be a moving object.

> The second cause is that the weight of a value is relative to the weight of other values. Therefore, in order to assign a weight to a value we need to constantly do comparisons. The values don’t have a weight by default. The weight is assigned when comparing. In these cases when we do our mental exercise classifying our values, we are probably doing basic comparisons without taking into account the great number of values that exists.

> Wait a minute! You’re telling me that there are lots of values that we are aware of and not aware of when we create our value scale?

> That’s right! We forget that the values are all those things that we give a certain weight. And when you apply this concept, you can see that we are automatically giving comparison weight to all that we experience, think, feel, reflect about, etc. In other words, it’s everything. We could do an endless exhaustive list of values. In a serious and well done exercise we could create a list of thousands or hundreds of thousands of rows.

> I wish to share with you the actual behavior of a value that I have seen frequently. I have known several single mothers that have expressed openly “I have the right to go and have fun” by leaving their kids with their grandparents so that these mothers can have a time for distraction and fun. Afterwards you can hear these mothers say “my kids are the most important thing in my life”. I don’t doubt that kids are on the TOP 100 of the value scale. In this particular case, being Friday evening, the value “I have a right to have fun” is greater than “my kids are the most important thing in my life”. Sure enough when the mother is back from her party, and she gets to her normal everyday life, her value scale will change back to its original state where “my kids are the most important thing in my life” gets back on top of the list above “I have a right to have fun”.

> Please note I am not judging the single mother. I am just making it evident that there are values that we express verbally and our acts express another value. I am not here to judge your values and I doubt anybody can judge your values scale objectively.

> If you were able to compare value scales from everybody on earth, it would be almost impossible to find two value scales exactly alike. This tells us that each and every human has its own value scale and that each person is unique.

> In summary, think about your values and be aware that the weight of the values changes depending on the situation before you or depending on the comparison of what value versus what other value. In other words, we normally do the exercise of creating our value scale assuming that values are fixed when they are really dynamic.

> If you are about to create your value scale, I recommend that you do it in pencil and that you have at hand a good and big eraser.